Monday, April 28, 2008

The Hidden War

Is this how it feels to be powerful?? being able to defeat any weaknesses and enemy that would surround you, be of any obstruction your way? Many people crave for this feeling and for this opportunity. But what lies with these things is deceit. Things like these always come in beautiful and carefully made packages. They present it that beautiful, until you discover the other side they never even dare introduce. Then you have discovered that things are not as good as the fairies make them.

Isolation is one thing that bothers most of the people. Having that loneliness inside really bothers people that hits them. What's the use of being strong when i'll just be lonely most of the time, if not all. That feeling of isolation where battles mostly commence, the battlefield of all battlefield. It's where you would never be able to count on anyone, or anything. All you have and would have is just yourself. Any weaknesses, that's for you to improvise. No one would rescue you. Not a support team, not even S.W.A.T. and not even your friend.

Personal wars are hard to win, even a deuce would be harder. It's where emotions clash, personalities argue and reasonings differ. It's a war where you'll never recognize your side, neither what you are fighting for...

suppressing is a trait that I have that I may say that I am good at. It helps me maintain what I should be maintaining. An image that must not be tarnished by whatever means possible. It helps me in a lot of ways, ways you could never imagine and perhaps never will. An abyss that I keep on filling, an endless pit that still needs refilling...

these are moments where you would want to engage in personal slumbers to where you could be in certain places in just a flick of a finger. A boxing ring, an endless war, a fight for survival, a fight with yourself...

there are things that you could not help but to hate about yourself, in whatever means everybody has one. Moments like these are moments where pain feels so good, a pleasure, a revel, majestic but painful. Self inflicted punishment, a court where you are the judge, the defendant, the suspect, the victim and the jury. It's in your decision, yo where limit lies. If things are already enough, or if things are still never enough...

a rage you would want to unravel. A rage that was fighting itself to be free, a monster yet to be unleashed but prevented by personal suppression. A monster so powerful yet so fragile, an irony that even mystery itself fails to cover...

suppression still conquers my mind and my personality. A dominance that's difficult to vanquish. The anger, the sadness, laughter and love.

challenges, to keep in time. Challenges to make you stronger and challenges that would help you discover yourself. Things would just be repeating themselves until you see the value in them... these just repeats themselves, and the value yet to be known. Things just happen, it happens so fast, it happens so sudden. Everything falls down simultaneously, which one to catch? All but not possible...